Overcoming the Bystander Effect, Kind Of.

So, as I mentioned in my last post, my days in Toledo were mostly great. But I also mentioned that something really unfortunate happened. After debating for a few days about whether or not I wanted to share this story, and to what extent of detail, I am finally attempting to let this all out.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, this is a horrifying story. And though I am not directly involved in what happened, it's kind of life-changing. I have spent approximately half of the last 4 days thinking about it, while simultaneously trying to "get over it". But I don't really know how. Aside from the friends who were with me when it happened, I have talked about it with less than a handful of people. Hopefully sharing it will help me to clear my mind a bit more. So here goes.

Friday was a fairly carefree day for Bailey, Elizabeth, and me. We, (or should I say, I) woke up in the early afternoon, and not really wanting to jump directly on a bus to Madrid, we decided to stay in Toledo an extra night. We didn't really do much all day, but we did go out for tapas at night. We left our favorite restaurant around 1 AM, trying to decide if we should get another drink or not on the way home.

About 2 minutes after leaving the restaurant, we heard an American girl crying hysterically in English saying, "Where is she?? Is she alive?? Tell me where she is!!" Her friends, not native English speakers, were forcefully trying to calm her down. The three of us just looked at each other, confused. Should we help?

To be honest, my first instinct was that she was probably just really drunk. After all, it was 1 AM on a Friday night, and she was probably just talking about a cat or something. But after some more crying and screaming, between the three of us, we decided to ask and make sure everything was okay. But we never expected the situation that we walked into.

It turns out that the crying girl has been living in Toledo, and she had 2 friends from home come to visit her that morning. They were hanging out at another friend's apartment, when one of the American girls somehow fell from the 3rd floor to the ground patio. This part of the story is still rather unclear. We don't really know if she was drinking, or how much she was drinking, or where she fell from, or how. All I know is that I took a peek into the patio and saw one of the most horrifying sights of my life. As one who does not handle blood or injury well, I knew that I couldn't go out into the patio.

Because the police and ambulance had not arrived yet, our first priority was making sure they had been called. The scene was rather chaotic, as you can imagine. The fact that there were three of us meant that we could all simultaneously talk to the people involved, try to offer support and calm them, and help with translation issues between the girls and the police when needed. I cannot imagine going through this experience in my hometown, in my native language. To be in a foreign country and speaking a foreign language must have made it all the more upsetting.

The scene was just so chaotic. None of her friends really knew what happened, or how, or what to do next. There were so many police, many of whom weren't in uniform, and none of whom spoke English. The poor woman who lived in the bottom apartment was on the verge of a nervous breakdown as well. And the truth is, none of us really knew how the girl was doing. One of her friends was a nurse, and luckily, she was able to help her and stay with her, but none of us knew whether the outcome would be good or bad. When the ambulance came, they were able to stabilize her. They were with her for a long time, and then they took her to the nearest hospital. The next day, we learned that they were going to keep her in a coma for a few days. And as of yesterday, we heard that they are still waiting, but that she seems to be doing a little better.

Having seen all of this, everything seems kind of trivial now. Everything we were worried about all day paled in comparison to the events that unfolded. I can't help but be grateful for life. I thank God for his protection, and pray that he will continue to protect me and my loved ones. I know it seems like a crazy detail, but some of my friends actually lived in the apartment that this girl fell from last year. When I think about that, I can't help but think about how it could have been any of us, and I just thank God that it wasn't.

At the same time, I am terrified of accidents now. To think that you could look forward to a trip to Spain for so long, show up, and end up in a coma on your first night there leaves me with a gnawing sense of discomfort, knowing that the world is chaotic and life is unfair. I am suddenly afraid of being so far away from my family, should anything happen to me, or God forbid, to one of them. I know that "God has a plan for everything", but when you see something like this, it's hard to see what good can possibly come of it. The whole ordeal has left me with both deeper faith and deeper questioning. Every time she crosses my mind, I pray for her and her friends and family, and I just can't imagine the pain and feelings that they are having to deal with. If I am this affected by it, imagine what they feel.

And somehow, I still feel really guilty. Despite the fact that we did stop to help, I keep thinking about how I almost didn't stop. I wanted to keep on walking. Bystander effect, right? If there's really a problem, someone else will help. Getting involved with a hysterical stranger at 1 AM didn't really seem like a good idea. But I just thank God that my friends talked me into it. Now I can't imagine not stopping. I can't imagine having to go through that situation alone, especially in a foreign language. I think that our presence helped to calm the girls down, and I think they were really grateful that we were there.

So did we overcome the bystander effect? I guess so. But as a psychology major, having studied it so much in school, I wish my first instinct would have told me to stop and help a stranger.

Anyway, I just ask that you pray for Lauren, the girl who fell, and for her friends, Megan and Julie, and her family. I really can't imagine how horrible of a phone call that must have been, on either end. Pray for healing, and for peace and comfort.

And the next time you see someone that might need help, stop. Because you may be helping more than you really know.

2012, Can You Start Being Nicer? Please?

my roscón treasure!

Well, here we are, a little over a week into 2012. And how has it been? Let's just say that I might believe people when they say the world is going to end this year. If my first week is any indication of things to come, I'm scared. But despite the bad things that have happened, most have been resolved favorably. And I did get the figurita in a piece of roscón de reyes, sooo... prosperity and good luck are headed my way! I guess we'll just have to wait and see! 

To begin, my computer broke the night before my return to Spain. The power jack broke, and it would no longer charge. After lots of last minute scrambling, and even a little bit of crying in a computer repair shop when they told me they couldn't help me, and after spending my last 2 hours in the United States transferring all of my music and pictures onto my mom's laptop, I am happy to say that it seems that things are going to be okay. My mom, being the awesome lady she is, gave me her laptop.. and reminded me that I had bought a warranty for my own.. and the warranty is going to cover the whole cost of repair. And when it comes back, she is just going to use my computer. Whew... what horrible timing. And also, what good timing. Thank God my computer didn't break after I got here. That would have really been bad!

Anyway, I also found out the day after arriving to Spain that my mom would be having surgery in a few days. I was kind of distraught. I think that the worst part of being away from home is not being able to be there for those kinds of situations. So, I was really nervous. But, the good news is that she went in for surgery today. And everything turned out fine. I think it was even better than they had thought, because they let her go home the same day. I was really relieved to hear that.

Also, my first few days back in Spain were spent in Toledo and Madrid. Mostly Toledo, though. I'm sure that by now, you all know how much I love it. It was a nice weekend... for the most part. I got to hang out with Bailey and Liz, and we stopped at all of our old favorite places. It's nice to go back, to feel so comfortable there, to be recognized by waiters and store clerks, and to be asked how we're doing. We wandered the streets, found new shortcuts (because let's face it, there are always shortcuts to be learned in Toledo), and we watched the cabalgata, or the parade for Three Kings Day, which included real, live elephants! Unfortunately, the weekend had it's own share of interesting events, but that deserves its own post, I think.

Tomorrow is my first day back to work. I am kind of excited. I think it will just be good to get back into a routine. And maybe going to work will be the thing that finally breaks my jet lag. Since arriving, I have not gone to bed before 4am, and I have not gotten up before 2pm. Seeing as how I have to be at school by noon tomorrow (I know, I know, I can hardly complain, right?), it looks like I will have to force myself into a normal sleep schedule. Bring it on!

My apartment continues to be a rather hostile environment, but I just learned today that a friend of mine is moving in. Good news! And hopefully better news will follow shortly (that somebody will be on their way out!)!

Also here, I would like to make note of the Steelers losing their first playoff game last night. What a shame. Just when I thought we had reason for hope, it ended just like that... We'll get 'em next year.

But you see, 2012? You need to start being nicer.

Beauty and Kindness

Wise words.

Resolutions

Since my first two months in Sevilla haven't exactly been ideal... And since 2011 is ending, and 2012 brings with it all sorts of inspiring ideas of change... And because I've (finally) been reading The Happiness Project... I've decided that it would behoove me to start thinking about some resolutions that I might realistically consider adopting in the near future. These aren't really life changing or earth shattering resolutions... they're just short term goals that I think will make the next few months in Sevilla a little more enjoyable and productive. So here goes.

• Take more pictures. I have taken a pitiful amount of pictures this year. So, I should probably do something to change that.
• Go out more. Of course I love the occasional cozy Friday night at home, hanging out with friends... but I also love the occasional night out, too. I loved going out in Toledo last year, and I kind of miss it. I want to find the cool bars in Sevilla. I want to go out and meet cool new people. And you know, I'm not opposed to the occasional gin and tonic, either.
• Learn Spanish. Ok, I guess I do know Spanish. But for some reason, I feel like I know less Spanish now than I did a year ago. Is that possible? I am blaming it on the Andalusian accent, and on the fact that I almost always speak English these days (probably more the later, but I swear the accent makes a difference, too!). So, with a combination of more practice, and quite possibly a tutor, I am hoping to improve my Spanish. And I have also seriously flirted with the idea of taking the DELE exam in May. I thought about it last year, but I didn't do it. And now I'm thinking about doing it again. It's a matter of money and dedication. So we'll see. But I definitely need to start taking advantage of these opportunities to practice Spanish. Duh.
• Write. This includes blogging and journaling... lucky you!
• Read. This is never a bad resolution. I've also just recently figured out how to rent library books on my kindle, and I'm pretty pumped about it.

So... what are some of your resolutions?

Growth

Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing. -William Butler Yeats

Back in the US of A

Yep. I'm totally in America now!

I brought 1 dollar bill back from Spain, and I spent it on a Mountain Dew in the airport. So worth it!

I have watched Teen Mom 2, 16 & Pregnant, Toddlers and Tiaras, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, and a whole slew of other trashy tv shows. What a great use of my time at home!

I have spent a day baking with my grandma, and wandering the aisles of grocery stores in amazement at the options available. I want to buy EVERYTHING! And I ate sloppy joes, which was pretty freakin' delicious. I don't remember ever loving sloppy joes as much as I did yesterday. They were so good.

I spent today at home, doing absolutely nothing. And it was kind of wonderful.

I've seen a lot of family, but I haven't seen most of my friends yet. I will see them before the week is over, though. And I'm so excited!

This trip home has pretty much broken the bank, and I don't really have much money to be throwing around. But I'm so happy to be here.

Here is a short list of things I would like to do before I head back to Spain:
See everybody. duh.
Go downtown to see the tree, etc.
Eat at Fatheads. Yum.
Go to the mall.
Go see a movie.
Do something awesome on New Years Eve.
Go out with my cousins, to celebrate Andy's 21st birthday.
Go to Target.
I feel like there should be many more things on this list, but that will have to do for now.

I'm on my way to the library. How exciting!

Thanks, Pablo, for reminding me that I love Spanish.

In order to cheer myself up, I need to start remembering some of the reasons I love being here.

One of the most obvious is that I simply love being surrounded by Spanish. For over 10 years now, I have studied and loved the language. And sometimes, I take for granted the fact that I have the opportunity to live and learn here. I will admit that I speak my fair share of English on a daily basis, and my Spanish has not really been improving lately. But when I am back at home in the States, I just miss Spanish being the norm. (I suppose I could just spend more time at the grocery store in Beechview, but it's just not the same!) I still love learning Spanish. I love learning new words and new ways to express myself. And I love it when people tell me that I speak it well (though this is happening less and less these days! whoops!).

Some people speak Spanish so beautifully and effortlessly that I just love listening to them speak. (This is not as common of an occurrence in Andalucía, ;) but it still happens every now and then.) Sure, it's their native language, but some people just speak it so well! It blows my mind how effortless it seems. And yes, I realize how silly this sounds. I laugh when people say the same thing about me speaking English.

Anyway, I have recently been listening to this song on repeat. It's by Pablo Alborán, and it's called Perdóname. It's gorgeous! It's not just the music, but the Spanish, too, the way it just flows from his tongue. The song is also heartbreaking. So unless you understand what it's saying, just let it play and let the sound of the Spanish words stir your soul. For those of you who do read Spanish, I'll post the lyrics, too. Beacause even though it's heartbreaking, it's a beauty. :) Enjoy!

Perdóname

Pablo Alborán

Si alguna vez preguntas el por que
No sabré decirte la razón
Yo no la sé
Por eso y más
Perdóname

Si alguna vez maldicen nuestro amor
Comprenderé tu corazón
Tú no me entenderás
Por eso y más
Perdóname

Ni una sola palabra más
No más besos al alba
Ni una sola caricia habrá
Esto se acaba aquí
No hay manera ni forma
De decir que sí

Si alguna vez
Creíste que por ti
O por tu culpa me marché
No fuiste tú
Por eso y más
Perdóname

Si alguna vez te hice sonreír
Creíste poco a poco en mi
Fui yo lo sé
Por eso y más
Perdóname

Ni una sola palabra más
No más besos al alba
Ni una sola caricia habrá
Esto se acaba aquí
No hay manera ni forma
De decir que sí

Siento volverte loca
Darte el veneno de mi boca
Siento tener que irme así
Sin decirte adiós

Ni una sola palabra más
No mas besos al alba
Ni una sola caricia habrá
Esto se acaba aquí
No hay manera ni forma
De decir que sí

Perdóname