Resolutions

Since my first two months in Sevilla haven't exactly been ideal... And since 2011 is ending, and 2012 brings with it all sorts of inspiring ideas of change... And because I've (finally) been reading The Happiness Project... I've decided that it would behoove me to start thinking about some resolutions that I might realistically consider adopting in the near future. These aren't really life changing or earth shattering resolutions... they're just short term goals that I think will make the next few months in Sevilla a little more enjoyable and productive. So here goes.

• Take more pictures. I have taken a pitiful amount of pictures this year. So, I should probably do something to change that.
• Go out more. Of course I love the occasional cozy Friday night at home, hanging out with friends... but I also love the occasional night out, too. I loved going out in Toledo last year, and I kind of miss it. I want to find the cool bars in Sevilla. I want to go out and meet cool new people. And you know, I'm not opposed to the occasional gin and tonic, either.
• Learn Spanish. Ok, I guess I do know Spanish. But for some reason, I feel like I know less Spanish now than I did a year ago. Is that possible? I am blaming it on the Andalusian accent, and on the fact that I almost always speak English these days (probably more the later, but I swear the accent makes a difference, too!). So, with a combination of more practice, and quite possibly a tutor, I am hoping to improve my Spanish. And I have also seriously flirted with the idea of taking the DELE exam in May. I thought about it last year, but I didn't do it. And now I'm thinking about doing it again. It's a matter of money and dedication. So we'll see. But I definitely need to start taking advantage of these opportunities to practice Spanish. Duh.
• Write. This includes blogging and journaling... lucky you!
• Read. This is never a bad resolution. I've also just recently figured out how to rent library books on my kindle, and I'm pretty pumped about it.

So... what are some of your resolutions?

Growth

Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing. -William Butler Yeats

Back in the US of A

Yep. I'm totally in America now!

I brought 1 dollar bill back from Spain, and I spent it on a Mountain Dew in the airport. So worth it!

I have watched Teen Mom 2, 16 & Pregnant, Toddlers and Tiaras, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, and a whole slew of other trashy tv shows. What a great use of my time at home!

I have spent a day baking with my grandma, and wandering the aisles of grocery stores in amazement at the options available. I want to buy EVERYTHING! And I ate sloppy joes, which was pretty freakin' delicious. I don't remember ever loving sloppy joes as much as I did yesterday. They were so good.

I spent today at home, doing absolutely nothing. And it was kind of wonderful.

I've seen a lot of family, but I haven't seen most of my friends yet. I will see them before the week is over, though. And I'm so excited!

This trip home has pretty much broken the bank, and I don't really have much money to be throwing around. But I'm so happy to be here.

Here is a short list of things I would like to do before I head back to Spain:
See everybody. duh.
Go downtown to see the tree, etc.
Eat at Fatheads. Yum.
Go to the mall.
Go see a movie.
Do something awesome on New Years Eve.
Go out with my cousins, to celebrate Andy's 21st birthday.
Go to Target.
I feel like there should be many more things on this list, but that will have to do for now.

I'm on my way to the library. How exciting!

Thanks, Pablo, for reminding me that I love Spanish.

In order to cheer myself up, I need to start remembering some of the reasons I love being here.

One of the most obvious is that I simply love being surrounded by Spanish. For over 10 years now, I have studied and loved the language. And sometimes, I take for granted the fact that I have the opportunity to live and learn here. I will admit that I speak my fair share of English on a daily basis, and my Spanish has not really been improving lately. But when I am back at home in the States, I just miss Spanish being the norm. (I suppose I could just spend more time at the grocery store in Beechview, but it's just not the same!) I still love learning Spanish. I love learning new words and new ways to express myself. And I love it when people tell me that I speak it well (though this is happening less and less these days! whoops!).

Some people speak Spanish so beautifully and effortlessly that I just love listening to them speak. (This is not as common of an occurrence in Andalucía, ;) but it still happens every now and then.) Sure, it's their native language, but some people just speak it so well! It blows my mind how effortless it seems. And yes, I realize how silly this sounds. I laugh when people say the same thing about me speaking English.

Anyway, I have recently been listening to this song on repeat. It's by Pablo Alborán, and it's called Perdóname. It's gorgeous! It's not just the music, but the Spanish, too, the way it just flows from his tongue. The song is also heartbreaking. So unless you understand what it's saying, just let it play and let the sound of the Spanish words stir your soul. For those of you who do read Spanish, I'll post the lyrics, too. Beacause even though it's heartbreaking, it's a beauty. :) Enjoy!

Perdóname

Pablo Alborán

Si alguna vez preguntas el por que
No sabré decirte la razón
Yo no la sé
Por eso y más
Perdóname

Si alguna vez maldicen nuestro amor
Comprenderé tu corazón
Tú no me entenderás
Por eso y más
Perdóname

Ni una sola palabra más
No más besos al alba
Ni una sola caricia habrá
Esto se acaba aquí
No hay manera ni forma
De decir que sí

Si alguna vez
Creíste que por ti
O por tu culpa me marché
No fuiste tú
Por eso y más
Perdóname

Si alguna vez te hice sonreír
Creíste poco a poco en mi
Fui yo lo sé
Por eso y más
Perdóname

Ni una sola palabra más
No más besos al alba
Ni una sola caricia habrá
Esto se acaba aquí
No hay manera ni forma
De decir que sí

Siento volverte loca
Darte el veneno de mi boca
Siento tener que irme así
Sin decirte adiós

Ni una sola palabra más
No mas besos al alba
Ni una sola caricia habrá
Esto se acaba aquí
No hay manera ni forma
De decir que sí

Perdóname

Unrequited Love Affair

Sorry for the lack of posting. I'm somewhat of a vagabond these days. And to be honest, I've been a little bit of a Debbie Downer, too, and I don't want that rubbing off on all of you kind people.

I am spending as little time as possible at my own apartment these days. I am searching in earnest for a new place. And the icing on the cake? I no longer have internet at home. That makes life a little difficult. I have done way too much laundry and I have gone into work an hour early on multiple occasions. This is no way to live. ;)

Luckily, during this time of unrest and uncertainty, I have realized just how great the people around me are (but I mean, I always knew that). I have several people offering their homes and internet to me... people who cook for me, whether they want to or not. When I get settled into a new place, I promise I'll return the favor(s).

I am beginning to feel like my life in Spain is an unrequited love affair. I feel like I have given up everything to be here, and Spain is giving me nothing in return these days. (Don't worry, Spain. I'm getting the hints.) Between extranjería issues, and apartment issues, and your general it's-obvious-that-I-don't-belong-in-this-culture issues, I have been a little discouraged lately. But I'm hoping that a new apartment and a new year will make things much better when I get back from Christmas vacation.

Oh, and by the way, can we talk about how excited I am to go home for Christmas? It's pretty much what's keeping me going these days. Perhaps I prepared myself mentally for it last year, or maybe I've just given up this year because I know the break is coming shortly, but I can't imagine staying here over the holidays again. Not this year.

And thank God I can listen to songs like these again. Christmas was less fun without these gems in my playlists.

I, too, am heading for Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie. :)

Hope things are going well for all of you.
I'm still hoping that I'll come back from the United States to find a new energy in my life here.